defenses of the past (update/edit)

(If you’ve already read the first version of this post and found it to be a bit unclear and/or unfocused I apologize.  I was rushing through it right before bed and I was both tired and unorganized in my thoughts.  Anyway, here’s the update/edit.  I feel it much more effectively puts forth the point I was originally hoping to make)

     I got myself busy with my markers over the weekend.  One night I completed a few drawings, ate dinner and watched some TV.  Later, when I came back to my room I saw the last finished drawing still on my inclined table in the very dim light before I got a chance to turn the lamp back on.  It creeped me out…  No, it flat out scared me and I stopped drawing for the day.  I find the older I get the more easily I forget recent events and the more I remember my past.  When the vivid horrors of the present become too much for me I retreat to the comfort of the past.  Senior citizens who can’t remember what they did yesterday but can easily remember their first day of grade school in vivid detail aren’t necessarily senile.  I think their minds are simply doing what’s necessary in order to survive the harshness of the present.

     The above drawing is not the one that scared me over the weekend.  My fear forced a retreat into my past and I chose to post an old pencil drawing from 10 years ago.  My defenses went up and I no longer had the desire to face my art in its present state.  My wife once made the observation that it’s remarkable sometimes to watch as my defenses go up when I feel threatened, insecure or scared.  Perhaps that’s why I chose this particular drawing.  What you see above could easily be a depiction of that exact phenomenon.  Layered defenses of the past shooting up to protect the frightened little me hiding behind them.

     And now for some WaCkY Creation Trivia!  This was completed immediately prior to defending angel.  In the upper-left corner you can see one of the scribble bats bleeding through from the page behind.  Here’s a detail with enhanced color to make it easier to see:

     Seems fitting that these two drawings are right next to each other.  Very similar themes of protection and defense.  May your own defenses serve to protect you well from the harshness of the day.  Thanks for taking a look.

8 thoughts on “defenses of the past (update/edit)

  1. I like seeing the proto-penises in your early work.

    Also, I’m surprised I said “remarkable” because that seems waaaay more polite than I usually am about that sort of thing. Lest anyone think I’m bragging about that, I’m not. I’m just sayin’.

    • Admittedly, it’s just my theory but I know if I survive to that age that’s what I’ll be doing, barring any health issues that might otherwise cause the phenomenon.

  2. I wish I could say the same about my past. The fog of my past seems to get further away with each passing day while my present has a crystalline clarity that has become so sharps it cuts me sometimes.

    I send huggs to you. I understand the power of emotions uncovered in a drawing. I drew a picture once that had me in tears as I was drawing it. I saw a truth in it that I couldn’t deny. I buried it under stacks of other drawings but still when I happen upon I get muddled and sad.

    I look forward if the day should come that you choose to share that drawing that scared you. May your angel be with you always. :-)

    • Thanks for sharing your experience. I’ve also had drawings in the past where I’ve had to cover up parts of it while I was drawing just so I could finish! Sensitivity is a double edged blade, init?

      I hope to post the offending drawing in October. Maybe if I’m quick enough about it I can post it before I realize what I’m doing! : P

  3. Yes on the double edged sword of sensitivity. Mine has been on full tilt for awhile lately. I can’t seem to get it back down to normal.

    Speaking of October – There is going to be an OPG this year? (IKN HAS Cheezeburger voice)

    • Not to worry the OPG is on. It’s just not very organized, aside from daily posts. Imo wing that bitch! Although I DO have a recurring idea floating around the ol’ brane pan that I’ll probably spring and all ya’lls when things get going in October.

  4. Pingback: bug-eyed fear, a shallow examination | Vincent's Handmade Art

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