I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I might have been expressing a little anxiety with this composition. Seems appropriate to follow a depression post with anxiety.
I’ve mentioned before that I don’t really fear or worry about death so much. The big thing I do worry about is suffering. Of course, that’s where it all seems to fall down for me. Death only comes around once, suffering surrounds us everyday. One could conclude I have a very unwise approach to life in this regard and that would be a very valid judgment if you valued longevity above all else. I’ve always placed value on quality over quantity. I’d much rather have my peace of mind today than a long future ahead of me. So much suffering is endured for the sake of a future that we have no guarantee that we will ever experience. Of course, one cannot truly know pleasure without having first suffered pain but you don’t need to seek out suffering, it will find you all by itself.