succumbing and OPG 2014


     The fever of Summer is breaking and so is my resistance to the abuse I suffered at the hands of my half-sister, mother and father.  I’m succumbing to it all but fear not, for I am seeking help.  I have made an appointment with my doctor and I plan to ask for advice, medication and a referral to a good counselor.  It’s the waiting that’s killing me right now.  The disease howls and I am coming perilously close to doing irrevocable damage to my marriage.  I just hope the help doesn’t come too late and I hope my wife can, in time, forgive me somehow.  I really should’ve headed down this current path a good year or more earlier.

     The good news is October is so very close now and I burned a bunch of vacation to ensure that I have every single damned weekend off!  I need my rest, especially right now.  As for OPG 2014, I plan on mostly posting on the weekends with sporadic postings during the week if I have time.  I’m not going to push myself.  I can get myself into serious trouble by thinking that I’m stronger than I am.  Nonetheless, staying at least a little busy with the OPG will be good, I can use the distraction while I bide my time.

     That’s it for now.  If things come together I’ll post the first of the month, definitely by the weekend of all else fails.  See you then oxoxoxo

my father and The Jiggler

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     So I was watching an episode of Adventure Time called “The Jiggler” (spoiler alert!) where Jake and Finn unwittingly lure a baby creature away from its mother and take it home with them.  The baby soon gets sick and basically starts puking blood.  Instead of getting help for the poor thing they ultimately decide that all they need to do is plug the hole it’s puking from but the creature has multiple holes on its body it can puke from so they resort to using their collections of glass eyes and eye patches to plug all the holes in an attempt to stop the puking.  This was very troubling to me since my abusive fuckhead father had worn a glass eye when he was younger and by the time I knew him always wore an eye patch.  So here Jake and Finn have sacrificed their precious collections in a effort to “save” this baby.  Moments before the young creature explodes from their gross mistreatment of it, they show a shot of it as a quivering mass with glass eyes shoved into its holes and eye patches strapped around its body, sitting in a puddle of its own puke-blood while still slowly leaking more puke-blood from its many plugged holes. Needless to say, I was more than a little disturbed at this point.  When the creature explodes it doesn’t die.  Instead, puke-blood goes everywhere and it gets all stretched out like a big rubbery noodle.  So now our intelligent heroes panic and decide to gather up the sick, exploded, noodle baby into a pile and just smash it all back together as if it were just a bunch of modeling clay.  Maybe I was taking things a little too seriously but by this point I was a little horrified and experienced a legitimate stress response in my gut.  Miraculously, smashing the baby back together using brute force doesn’t kill it and after all the kidnapping, abuse and attempted murder they eventually return the baby to its mother.

     Now, while I’m a both a fan and creator of disturbing imagery and have great respect and admiration for anyone who can effectively illustrate the weird and stupid things that can happen in a surrealistic dream-like state (pretty much the core of what Adventure Time is about), this particular episode really hit just a tad too close to home for me.  Anyway, long story short:  I watched “The Jiggler” and afterwards I drew the image you see above.

feather fuzzy


     I sat here and tried to get in the mood to say something about this guy but this guy is just me.  A fussy, detailed, neurotic creation that is afraid of taking a chance.  Afraid of chasing a dream that requires a wholehearted effort if it is to have any hope of a mature completion.  Assuming completion is even something that is possible with this sort of thing.  Perhaps a mature pursuit is more appropriate.  Maybe I just need more time.

     As for technique and execution, I got back into my fussy details and my beloved fuzzy feathers again.  Great stuff for burning off excess nervous energy : )  Thanks for taking a look.

red teeth and the Jernigan skull


     With this guy I think I was remembering a little of what I accomplished way back when with Jernigan’s skull.  The similarities being mainly the fuzzy seams between the bones of the skull and, I guess, the profile orientation.

     I was going to mention there was about ten years between this guy and the Jernigan skull.  Then I began thinking about whether or not I’ve made ten years worth of progress.  Now I’m sitting here wondering if I really care about the answer to that question.

the bloody mouth of self-examination


     This is harsh.  Staring at myself through these cumples all month.  I’m a scared, worried, anxious kinda guy it seems.  I guess if I wasn’t there would be something more than a little off about me.  Would probably have an inventory of body parts in my freezer or something.

blood puddle


     Hi Dad.  Whatcha bleedin’ about this time?  I guess I can’t tell if you’re bleeding or just sucking up the blood puddle left from who-knows-what.  Well, whatever you’re doing, I’ll leave you to it.

     This one’s a pretty recent crumple.  I’ve been trending towards red and/or bloody spots on the face.  Not sure what it is exactly but it sure adds some drama to the over all composition.  I guess blood will do that.

fraidy twins

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     These two make me uncomfortable.  I guess no one likes looking at their own fear and otherwise neurotic states.  But, hey, this is good news for you wacky kids!  The Fraidy Twins here are a package deal, two for one, BOGO, 50% off, everything must go-type of deal.  If you’re amazing enough to donate AND get the chance to pick these guys (remember: first come, first serve) then you’ll get a PAIR of original artworks!  So, help me enhance my comfort level and get these guys out of my house, will you?

sweeping across


     This guy has a sort of energy wave sweeping across behind him.  This is a feature I’ve created in the past.  Although I don’t think the wave’s symbolism is as clear as it used to be.  The man who drew the above image is certainly much different than he was when the this feature first appeared on paper.

mouth bleed and self-abuse (not the good kind)


     They say if you dream that you’re bleeding from your mouth it means you’re doing something that’s bad for you but you keep doing it anyway.  While I’ve never dreamt this specifically it is a very frequent feature in my artwork which is largely unplanned and subject to my unconscious impulses and desires.  I’ve also been actively abusing myself lately in the form of a stupid, competitive, online game which only makes me even more anxious than I already am.  But I keep playing it even though I realize the detrimental way in which it affects me.  Must be a symptom of a deeper disturbance.

one-eyed dad bastard


     This is one of several crumples where I deliberately drew lines to either side of the one eye to emulate my father’s eye patch strap just to see how it felt.  It felt forced but I also think it adds a bit of realism for me.  Helps me keep in mind what I’m trying to confront when a Fuzzy Skeletonian emerges on the page.

OPG 2013 CrUmpLe MaNiA!!

     Shit got a little too real when I started sculpting Fuzzy Skeletonians instead of drawing them so I’m taking a step back to when I was pretty happy with my art, that being crumple drawings.  I cranked out a bunch of them earlier in the year (as well as a few more in recent days) and I should have more than enough to turn Octoberween-Palooza-Ganza 2013 into CrUmpLe MaNiA!!  Everyday, all October long, I will present at least one new crumple drawing to delight and disturb you all!

     Of course, you are all encouraged to participate in OPG 2013 CrUmpLe MaNiA!! in whatever season-appropriate fashion you desire.  Make some art and share it with the rest of us, blog about Halloween, horror or October in general or you can simply make a donation to support my work.  I’m pretty flexible.

     Participation also has it’s rewards.  All participants will receive a signed print of any crumple drawing displayed here during the month of October.  Anyone generous enough to make a donation will also receive the original crumple drawing of their choice on a first come, first serve basis.  Yes, that’s correct, donation is the easiest and most advantageous way for you to participate.  So if you have some extra cash laying around gathering dust just toss it my way this October and BAM! you’ll be receiving BOTH a signed print AND an original artwork when it’s all said and done this October.

(example 8.5″ x 11″ print with 5.5″ x 8.5″ crumple drawing)

     That’s about it for the OPG 2013 CrUmpLe MaNiA!! ground rules.  Stop on by starting tomorrow for all the crumply festivities!

Fuzzy Skeletonians and the circle of life


     Beware mortals!  What you see is the beginning of the first real 3-D Fuzzy Skeletonian to enter our plane of existence!  The scale I’m working on right now is more the bite-your-toes-off-and-laugh-while-you’re-screaming size of Fuzzy Skeletonian but I hope to bring these guys to full rip-your-arm-off-and-beat-you-with-a-bloody-stump scale in the future but that may be a while coming simply due to cost of materials.

     What I’m envisioning at present are highly detailed Fuzzy Skeletonian figurines fit for collecting.  Working in 3-D is also going to allow me to literally start building my Fuzzy Skeletonian Army!  World domination is only a matter of time now, bitches!!

     I must say, it feels good to be working with clay again.  Never thought I’d see the day.  Until I started messing around with this stuff I’d almost forgotten the ceramics classes I took in college.  I guess my dream of being a ceramic sculptor never really died, it just laid dormant for a while.  After all these years the sneaky little bastard gave me quite the pleasant surprise!  Fuckin’ life.  It has a way of circling around and giving you back what you thought you’d lost.

weird energy


     You must be all like, “What the hell, man!?  Changing to this brand new FUCKING AWESOME header AND changing the blog title without an explanation!!??!!”  Well I gotta tell ya, it’s all about this weird energy that’s been driving me lately.

     I mean, did you know there can be a PURPOSE to life?  A reason for trying?  I thought I had it all figured out a few years ago.  Thought life was meaningless, pointless, a random existence bereft of coherence and understanding.  Then I got back into my art.  In the years since then I’ve had fun with my art, gotten inspired by other artists, old and new and come to realize that my art is truly a part of me that I cannot deny.

     This new clarity of purpose and the accompanying motivation has resulted in a positive, negative, swirling, weird energy that’s got me producing art almost everyday (I’m even posting to Twitter and shit).  I’m also out of my mind with fear.  Having dreams and goals for the future is not what I’m used to.  I’ve spent almost all of my adult life in an angry, protective, nihilistic, defeatism and having hope for the future is a very strange and scary thing for me now.  However, amidst the fear and weirdness, things are starting to become clear here and there, like my new header.

     The new header (and blog title) is really more of a head-ING for me to travel towards.  I’ve decided that the concept of the Fuzzy Skeletonian needs to be pursued in earnest, explored fully, with an eye towards bringing it to an eventual mature completion before I die.  I decided Torso Man (a.k.a Fuzzy Skeletonian #1) should lead the way with his fuzzy fuzzy torso of power!  I’ve also been cranking out more and more Fuzzy Skeletonian crumple drawings like the one you see above.  I’ve got a stack nearly a foot tall that grows everyday!

     I hope the future brings good things to my art.  I hope my art brings good things to the future.  And I hope I keep my head and don’t fall to my fears.  Finally, in closing, welcome to The Fuzzy Skeletonian.  I am your host, Vincent.

crumple focus & professional dreams


     A generous and wise man once said, “Focus on the parts that make you feel good.”  And that’s what I’m doing.  I’ve been cranking out crumple drawing after crumple drawing and just trying to enjoy myself!  Draw-draw-draw, crumple-crumple-crumple, uncrumple-uncrumple-uncrumple, YAY!!  Feels good to get silly with my markers again and not take things too seriously : D

     It’s weird though.  At the same time I also have the very strong impulse to be a professional artist.  To make some extra cash off my art.  A regular income from my artwork would be just the sweetest thing.  Help me out with this dream.  If you enjoy my artwork and you have an extra buck or two consider making a donation or even put me to work on a commission just for you!  The way I’m feeling right now it would really make my day : )

four faces of artistic imperative


     I’ve been pretty lax on the blogging front lately.  For those of you who may have missed me, I apologize.  I’ve been processing a lot.  Coming to terms with myself and who I really am, who I’ve always been really.  The problem is, I fight everything.  I’m a very high-maintenance person and I am very resistant to incorporating new things into my life because there’s already too much stuff swirling around in my head at any given moment.  Most of the time I just long for a reset back to simplicity.  The big ol’ eraser across the messy, messy chalkboard that is my brain.  But that ain’t gonna happen.  I’m an awkward patchwork resulting from an imperfect, dirty little life and I just need to make due with what I have and accept what I cannot change.  One of those things that I cannot change is the fact that I’m an artist.

     Not just that I have artistic ability and an aesthetic eye but an actual imperative to be an artist.  This is something that I’ve been foolishly fighting against lately and I’ve been losing.  I guess that’s one of the ways you can be sure about something.  It certainly has given me some clarity and confidence in what I need to do with my spare time.  I need to try to be the best artist I can be, to use the time and resources I have available to learn and improve, and to hang on to my dream wherever it may lead.  I may wax and wane in my pursuit but I will never give it up.  I can’t give it up.  This is what I must do.

     Anyway, enough of all of this heartfelt declaration of purpose.  On to the art!  What you see above is the self-portrait I threatened to do using the technique I learned with accidental Stripe.  Since I ended up with four different versions even before I scanned anything I decided to get my Warhol on and block them all together with different color schemes.  I think I captured the sadness, frustration and anger I’ve been going through lately.

     That’s it for now.  I hope to get my butt a little more in gear in coming months and share whatever I can whenever I can.  Thanks for stopping by.