succumbing and OPG 2014


     The fever of Summer is breaking and so is my resistance to the abuse I suffered at the hands of my half-sister, mother and father.  I’m succumbing to it all but fear not, for I am seeking help.  I have made an appointment with my doctor and I plan to ask for advice, medication and a referral to a good counselor.  It’s the waiting that’s killing me right now.  The disease howls and I am coming perilously close to doing irrevocable damage to my marriage.  I just hope the help doesn’t come too late and I hope my wife can, in time, forgive me somehow.  I really should’ve headed down this current path a good year or more earlier.

     The good news is October is so very close now and I burned a bunch of vacation to ensure that I have every single damned weekend off!  I need my rest, especially right now.  As for OPG 2014, I plan on mostly posting on the weekends with sporadic postings during the week if I have time.  I’m not going to push myself.  I can get myself into serious trouble by thinking that I’m stronger than I am.  Nonetheless, staying at least a little busy with the OPG will be good, I can use the distraction while I bide my time.

     That’s it for now.  If things come together I’ll post the first of the month, definitely by the weekend of all else fails.  See you then oxoxoxo

feather fuzzy


     I sat here and tried to get in the mood to say something about this guy but this guy is just me.  A fussy, detailed, neurotic creation that is afraid of taking a chance.  Afraid of chasing a dream that requires a wholehearted effort if it is to have any hope of a mature completion.  Assuming completion is even something that is possible with this sort of thing.  Perhaps a mature pursuit is more appropriate.  Maybe I just need more time.

     As for technique and execution, I got back into my fussy details and my beloved fuzzy feathers again.  Great stuff for burning off excess nervous energy : )  Thanks for taking a look.

the bloody mouth of self-examination


     This is harsh.  Staring at myself through these cumples all month.  I’m a scared, worried, anxious kinda guy it seems.  I guess if I wasn’t there would be something more than a little off about me.  Would probably have an inventory of body parts in my freezer or something.

fraidy twins

click

     These two make me uncomfortable.  I guess no one likes looking at their own fear and otherwise neurotic states.  But, hey, this is good news for you wacky kids!  The Fraidy Twins here are a package deal, two for one, BOGO, 50% off, everything must go-type of deal.  If you’re amazing enough to donate AND get the chance to pick these guys (remember: first come, first serve) then you’ll get a PAIR of original artworks!  So, help me enhance my comfort level and get these guys out of my house, will you?

one-eyed dad bastard


     This is one of several crumples where I deliberately drew lines to either side of the one eye to emulate my father’s eye patch strap just to see how it felt.  It felt forced but I also think it adds a bit of realism for me.  Helps me keep in mind what I’m trying to confront when a Fuzzy Skeletonian emerges on the page.

bloody fuzzy and the OPG


     I won’t tell you where I’ve been artistically but the above image is fairly close to the mark.  I will tell you that I’ve officially dropped my Vincent personae.  It just wasn’t feeling right, it’s not who I am anymore.  My name is Eddie Jones and I will be you host, guide and victim as we slog our way, step by heavy step, towards the mountain of fear that is The Fuzzy Skeletonian.

     In other news, October is creeping up behind me with impure thoughts.  So grab your vasoline and get ready for Octoberween-Palooza-Ganza 2013!   Stop on by this coming month, enjoy your beverage (or beverages) of choice and don’t dress up in any of your good clothes cause it’s gonna get all nasty and crumply.  Details to follow over the weekend.

weird energy


     You must be all like, “What the hell, man!?  Changing to this brand new FUCKING AWESOME header AND changing the blog title without an explanation!!??!!”  Well I gotta tell ya, it’s all about this weird energy that’s been driving me lately.

     I mean, did you know there can be a PURPOSE to life?  A reason for trying?  I thought I had it all figured out a few years ago.  Thought life was meaningless, pointless, a random existence bereft of coherence and understanding.  Then I got back into my art.  In the years since then I’ve had fun with my art, gotten inspired by other artists, old and new and come to realize that my art is truly a part of me that I cannot deny.

     This new clarity of purpose and the accompanying motivation has resulted in a positive, negative, swirling, weird energy that’s got me producing art almost everyday (I’m even posting to Twitter and shit).  I’m also out of my mind with fear.  Having dreams and goals for the future is not what I’m used to.  I’ve spent almost all of my adult life in an angry, protective, nihilistic, defeatism and having hope for the future is a very strange and scary thing for me now.  However, amidst the fear and weirdness, things are starting to become clear here and there, like my new header.

     The new header (and blog title) is really more of a head-ING for me to travel towards.  I’ve decided that the concept of the Fuzzy Skeletonian needs to be pursued in earnest, explored fully, with an eye towards bringing it to an eventual mature completion before I die.  I decided Torso Man (a.k.a Fuzzy Skeletonian #1) should lead the way with his fuzzy fuzzy torso of power!  I’ve also been cranking out more and more Fuzzy Skeletonian crumple drawings like the one you see above.  I’ve got a stack nearly a foot tall that grows everyday!

     I hope the future brings good things to my art.  I hope my art brings good things to the future.  And I hope I keep my head and don’t fall to my fears.  Finally, in closing, welcome to The Fuzzy Skeletonian.  I am your host, Vincent.

bug-eyed fear, a shallow examination

     Well, I finally got around to posting this.  As previously mentioned, this was the drawing that gave me the heebie-jeebies the very same evening that I completed it.  I attempted to approximate the lighting and point of view that creeped me out with this photo:


     I imagine this photo doesn’t do justice to what I was feeling that night.  I’m sure it was more my vulnerable state of mind more than the image itself that caused the fear reaction.  Or perhaps they got it right with the character of Mark Lewis in Peeping Tom (1960), “Do you know what the most frightening thing in the world is?  It’s fear.”


     And what is fear, exactly?  I guess that’s a big part of what makes it so frightening…  I don’t know.  I feel like I’m just tossing this off so I don’t have to think too much about it.  Maybe I’m just protecting myself.

     On the subject of creation trivia, this seems to be the second of my long-necked or rubber-necked fuzzy skeletonians of late, as you may recall.

     Last of all, don’t forget to check out this if you’re looking for something to do this coming Saturday.  I’ll be there yuckin’ it up with everybody else so stop on by and enjoy the fun!

sharing the fear

(ADULT CONTENT BELOW)

(klik)


     Here’s something I’ve been meaning to show you all for a while and one of the reasons I am so into painting right now.  Just look at that dark, murky blackness!  The first time I laid down some thick wet lines like this it really got to me but now it’s something that I’ve grown to love.  There’s just something so mesmerizing about the light reflecting off the wet paint and the fact that all it would take would be just one false move, one sneeze, one over-excited cat jumping up on my table and all of this beautiful liquid fragility would be completely ruined.  Of course, all of this gets lost once it dries and that’s why I finally decided to take a quick snap shot for the sharing and stuff…

     No, I’m not just stalling because I’m afraid of starting on the head and potentially fucking this whole thing up, so don’t even go there!  I’m sharing with you the beauty of creation and you should be grateful for this glimpse into my process…  You know what?  I don’t CARE what you think!  I”M SHARING DAMMIT!!1!

march nightmare

     Well, I tried to save the best for last.  This post at least has the highest number of artworks I’ve ever included in one post before.  Anyway, here goes:

     Back in March the wife and I had a very good Saturday.  We slept late, went out to eat, futzed around town, running a couple of errands, generally having a good time.  It all culminated that evening with us having a blast at dinner (appetizer dinner, one of our favorites!), consuming more than the usual amount of wine and watching one of our favorite movies, Evil Dead II.  We enjoyed it almost as much as the first time we saw it.  However, I often found myself (as I realized later) taking it a little too seriously at times, saying things like, “You know, someone actually going through something this extremely supernatural and horrific might APPEAR to be acting in an absurd or comical way.  From my experience, the OUTWARD appearance of your actions is often out of step with what you’re actually feeling INSIDE.”  In my mind I thought I was just having fun with my conjecture and my ‘What if this was REALLY HAPPENING!?’ thought exercise.  What I didn’t know at the time is that I was planting the seeds of fear in my own impressionable, wine-marinated brain.  Not surprisingly, that night I had a nightmare.

     It opens in some strange house I’ve never been in before (as a lot of my unpleasant dreams do).  There’s a zombie somewhere and it’s all the fault of this douchebag son of some rich guy (apparently this is their house).  Not sure why I know all of this, it’s just the given facts of the dream.

      Anyway, next thing I know I’ve opened a closet door somewhere in the house and find myself standing face to face with the aforementioned zombie.  He’s not all, “Bleearrgh! Graaaarr! Brains!” or extremely gross looking or anything.  He’s a middle-aged, balding man in a suit.  He has a blank stare and is filthy (as zombies are wont to be) but the expressionless face looking back at me from the shadows of the freshly opened closet is particularly unsettling.


       Jump cut to a side view of the the closet.  From the top shelf of the closet, the zombie suddenly shoots out head first, arms at his sides, entire body parallel to the floor and stops at the waist.  The room is lit with a sickly, bright (yet also dark) orange and the top half of the zombie is sticking out of the closet, stiff as a board like the top drawer of a dresser.  Suddenly, his arms shoot out, doubling his visible length.


     Next thing I see (not that I actually recall seeing it, it’s more like my mind TOLD ME I was seeing it) is the zombie and the douchebag son wrestling on the floor in front of the closet.  The room is still lit in that sickly orange as they struggle, the zombie now in full, aggressive “Romero” mode.

     The scene changes again and I’m pretty sure I have the son safely behind me and the zombie is prone on the floor in front of me.  I’m jabbing at him with a transfer shovel trying to decapitate him.  We now seem to be in the living room.  Beyond the zombie I can see furniture, potted plants, windows and glass doors that lead outside to a back yard or patio.  It’s night time and the room is now a dark, moonlit environment and I can see streaks of blood running down the zombie’s face.  I jab again with the shovel, a little off target, and hit him in the face.  I don’t see it but I clearly feel a splash of warm liquid hit my left cheek and eye.

     Everything becomes a little unclear at this point, although in the next moment I somehow know that I’ve killed the zombie.  Then I look up at the ceiling and I see the shadow of a thin, unclothed, headless figure.  It’s arms are flailing wildly and shooting from it’s neck are what seems to be both short lengths of hair and what looks like small moths but they have no bodies, just a pair of fluttering wings, much like heart-shaped pieces of paper folded down the middle…


 …I’m terrified and I realize the ghost of the zombie is casting this shadow!  I panic and swing the shovel wildly at where I think the ghost is.  The force of the swing in my arm and shoulder as I hit nothing is the last thing I feel.

***

     I woke up, hungover and so dry my eyelids were almost making scratching noises every time I blinked.  I was still pretty creeped out and, even though I keep a pretty much nocturnal schedule and there was plenty of daylight in the house, I was still seriously keeping a wary eye on the hallway for any shambling zombies that might be coming my way.  After some liquids, pain killers and a light snack I was finally able to get back to sleep.

Lastly, here’s another incarnation of the nightmare zombie:

     Well, I hope you enjoyed this.  I have to say this was the most vivid nightmare I’ve had in years.  My only regret is that I wish I could’ve done more artistic justice to it.  That’s not to say I didn’t produce a few decent images but I never really felt I completely captured the true vividness of the experience.  Oh well, I guess room for improvement is a good thing.

     Whew!  Has this been a crazy month or what?  I’m glad I took all the time off from work.  Three-day weekends all month has been SA-WEEET!  It’s gotten me rested up and ye olde creative juices flowing as well!  I look forward to the holidays and you should too, as I have a stockpile of new artworks just itching to be posted : D  Thanks for stopping by, you crazy kids are the best!

thick wet lines


     It’s hard to describe how I feel.  I just finished the thick, wet lines of this piece.  Something about this painting has put me in an intense, mostly unidentifiable mood.  This is a skull so I’m guessing fear is in there.  Probably some of the standard fear of the future associated with skulls and skeletons but that’s definitely not all.  There’s something angry and brooding about this as well.  Something that drains me and outrages me at the thought of it stealing my energy.  Still, I’m fascinated by it.  I can’t stop thinking about it.  How it makes me feel.  I find myself frowning, like my whole skull and brain area is tensing up.  My head feels warm.  No, my brain feels warm.  I feel like I need to cry but I’m not sure why.  I feel violent.  I’m sick and tired of work.  I’m bored at work.  I only have one or two days a week during a normal week when I have the time and feel rested enough to pursue my artwork.  Not sure where I’m going with this.

     Last night the wife and I enjoyed a bunch of sushi and wine.  Afterwards we had desert, mixed drinks and enjoyed a very good vampire movie.  Today we went out to eat, got caught in a downpour, drove to get ice cream and soda in said downpour and came home.  After a brief scare of our air conditioner temporarily not working due to the storm, I made myself a jumbo margarita and completed another fuzzy skeletonian for October.  When we got hungry again, we nommed the hell out of a pre-made rotisserie chicken.  After dinner and coffee I came back here to my room and completed this painting.  Now I’m sitting here, listening to the Blade Runner soundtrack trying to sort out my feelings.  Maybe I’m wrestling with some sort of moody, artistic conundrum or maybe I’m just a tad hung over and disappointed that the weekend is winding to a close.  I think the painting is dry now.  Better get it scanned and start getting ready for bed.  Have a good week.

scary eyes

(ADULT CONTENT BELOW)

     As promised, here’s more bloody content for all you freaks and weirdos loyal followers.  While this work is not all that different from my latest entries into nose bleed, it is significant in that it provoked a reaction from me even before I was finished with it.

     As I was getting close to done I started to get freaked out by the eyes.  Not sure why really, it was just a general feeling of uneasiness.  It got so bad I had to cover the eyes while I finished up.  Sounds silly, I know, but that’s what happened.  I know I’ve been procrastinating a lot lately.  Maybe I’m afraid of something and I’m just making up excuses to avoid my artwork.

pumpkin patch, 2 of 3


     After my initial experimentation with my newly acquired gray tones I settled down a bit and made these little guys.  Despite my best efforts they seemed to have turned out more adorable than creepy.

     Adorable because they seem to be honestly scared.  Frightened out of their cute little pumpkin skulls.  So often in real life fear manifests itself as anger, intolerance, stubbornness or other similar emotions that so conveniently feign strength.  People often choose to lie and appear strong, while the more natural reaction of honest fear is often regarded as a sign of weakness.

     Feh, I’ll stop philosophizing and just say that’s one of the great things about Halloween.  We get to go around and be scary and get scared and don’t have to worry about what people think of us.  And it’s fun.