I’ve been pretty lax on the blogging front lately. For those of you who may have missed me, I apologize. I’ve been processing a lot. Coming to terms with myself and who I really am, who I’ve always been really. The problem is, I fight everything. I’m a very high-maintenance person and I am very resistant to incorporating new things into my life because there’s already too much stuff swirling around in my head at any given moment. Most of the time I just long for a reset back to simplicity. The big ol’ eraser across the messy, messy chalkboard that is my brain. But that ain’t gonna happen. I’m an awkward patchwork resulting from an imperfect, dirty little life and I just need to make due with what I have and accept what I cannot change. One of those things that I cannot change is the fact that I’m an artist.
Not just that I have artistic ability and an aesthetic eye but an actual imperative to be an artist. This is something that I’ve been foolishly fighting against lately and I’ve been losing. I guess that’s one of the ways you can be sure about something. It certainly has given me some clarity and confidence in what I need to do with my spare time. I need to try to be the best artist I can be, to use the time and resources I have available to learn and improve, and to hang on to my dream wherever it may lead. I may wax and wane in my pursuit but I will never give it up. I can’t give it up. This is what I must do.
Anyway, enough of all of this heartfelt declaration of purpose. On to the art! What you see above is the self-portrait I threatened to do using the technique I learned with accidental Stripe. Since I ended up with four different versions even before I scanned anything I decided to get my Warhol on and block them all together with different color schemes. I think I captured the sadness, frustration and anger I’ve been going through lately.
That’s it for now. I hope to get my butt a little more in gear in coming months and share whatever I can whenever I can. Thanks for stopping by.
I hear ya about the return to simplicity…but then, was anything ever simple or do we just like to think it was because it’s in the past and we lived through it and the future seems like a royal pain the ass compared to the past? Damn, this got me thinking…But anywhoo…The colour progression really says something, starts out kind of cool and then gets blazing hot as you go clockwise from the top left. I can see the progression of emotion you mention in it, brutal man, brutal. Don’t ever deny the artist in you, that can lead you to dark places. If the art can’t come out, the brain gets very disgruntled.
Thank you, Aquilus. You’re absolutely right. It’s always much more obvious when someone else points it out. The past is always going to seem simpler, it’s not an unknown anymore.
And who knew about letting the art come out? I always assumed it was something of a pretentious arrogance when an artist said they had to let the art out or it would affect them negatively. It seemed more like an indulgence than a actual necessity. Live and learn I guess.
I’m so proud of you — I know how hard it’s been for you to get here, and all the work and struggle. And I see the enormous progress you’ve made both technically and in your content, and I know you’ve got some amazing things ahead of you. We’re all immensely lucky that you’re sharing it with us.
One point of order: Your life is imperfect (they all are!) but not dirty. I think you’ve been dealt some dirty things by people who should probably be punched in the neck, repeatedly, but that dirt doesn’t rub off on you. What you’ve accomplished despite these external dirtbags is nothing short of amazing.
Thank you, that’s very kind of you to say.
Maybe its just cuz i watched Rocky 6 but if you got a beast inside you, you gotta let that monster run loose sometimes or it’ll run you over.
And i like this piece because each segment progressively gets more violent, like the frustration with life. They are all angry pieces but they get worse as you go forward, was it ever simple or easy? No, school was hard but looking at it now, it was a cake walk, which is how you may view today in 10 years.
Thanks for the perspective : ) 10 years is a very useful yardstick to use when thinking about these kinds of things.
Whoa. I love this.
Whatever corner you’re turning, I’m happy for you. And Stacia said it well: we are all fortunate that you are sharing the work of your journey with us. Thanks!
No, thank you all for following me all this way. I appreciate it, although I really don’t view you guys as fortunate recipients, more like unlucky victims ; )