Are you carving a pumpkin this year?
‘Cause I’m carving myself a goddamned, motherfucking pumpkin! I may carve two. I don’t care if we we only got one trick-or-treater last year. I’m cutting open a pumpkin’s head, pulling all its ooey-gooey brains out with my bare hands and carving the shit out of its freshly hollowed-out skull. Then I’m gonna cram a few candles in it, light them bitches and rock it old school. Hopefully, the G.I. down the street will get drunk, try to steal my totally boss jack-o-fucking-lanterns, trip and fall while holding them, making a big mess of blood, candle wax and a mix of smashed pumpkin and human skull all over the end of our drive way. Then I’ll take a picture and post it for everyone’s gory enjoyment!
Wow, that turned into quite a spew. Anyhoo, I’m carving a pumpkin (or two). If you like any of the patterns I’ve drawn above you are free to use them for your carving creation this year. I’ll be sure to take a picture of my jack-o-lanterns when I’m done with them. Peace.