Are you carving a pumpkin this year?

     ‘Cause I’m carving myself a goddamned, motherfucking pumpkin!  I may carve two.  I don’t care if we we only got one trick-or-treater last year.  I’m cutting open a pumpkin’s head, pulling all its ooey-gooey brains out with my bare hands and carving the shit out of its freshly hollowed-out skull.  Then I’m gonna cram a few candles in it, light them bitches and rock it old school.  Hopefully, the G.I. down the street will get drunk, try to steal my totally boss jack-o-fucking-lanterns, trip and fall while holding them, making a big mess of blood, candle wax and a mix of smashed pumpkin and human skull all over the end of our drive way.  Then I’ll take a picture and post it for everyone’s gory enjoyment!

     Wow, that turned into quite a spew.  Anyhoo, I’m carving a pumpkin (or two).  If you like any of the patterns I’ve drawn above you are free to use them for your carving creation this year.  I’ll be sure to take a picture of my jack-o-lanterns when I’m done with them.  Peace.

3 thoughts on “jack-o-patterns

  1. Why yes, my good sir, I AM carving a pumpkin this year!

    And what the hell with the GI down the street, I mean really. He's been revving that POS car of his every night from 7:00 to 10:00 PM or later. Tiresome. I guess it's better than when he was berating his wife/GF loudly and publicly while they were planting a tree.

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