awkward flower


     Here’s a self-portrait from my high school years that I keep coming back to.  I’d say it captures my awkward teenage years pretty well.  The half-closed eye and bared teeth are interesting to me.  I think they show both the depression and hostility I was grappling with at the time.

     I know this may seem self-indulgent but I’ve always found I can never know what I’m going to end up drawing until it is done.  Furthermore, the actual meaning of my artwork often eludes me since it undoubtedly dwells in my subconscious somewhere.  Nevertheless, I like to attempt to examine where I’ve been in keeping with the whole “know thyself” thing.

5 thoughts on “awkward flower

  1. Ooh, I really love this one. What I find interesting about it is that the flower (you) is planted in such a teeny tiny pot that is way too small, and cracked. I feel like it could topple over at any moment. Based on your own description, perhaps that is how you felt at the time. I also am drawn to the fact that the flower is on the edge of a (cracked/weathered)plank, as if you are teetering on the edge.

  2. Yeah, I figured this one was a good place to start. All my life I've felt like there was some underlying weakness in me, something fundamentally flawed so to speak. That combined with my often out of control ego always leaves me waxing and waning in my opinion of myself (see also a strong weakness).

  3. If you feel your ego gets inflated at times then it's just compensating for your perceived “flaws” and weaknesses. Hey, we've all been there. It's a defense mechanism and although most pp think those are bad, they are not, as they help us through difficult moments until we are in a better place to acknowledge the truth. I absolutely hate the word “flawed”, as no person is flawed but we do all have weaknesses. At times those weaknesses become pronounced in our minds but that's ok, because only then can growth and change take place. Please don't ever think of yourself as flawed again. That is a very damaging word to the psyche.

    This has been a public service announcement.

    (sorry if this shows up twice, I did something screwy on the first attempt and i'm not sure where my comment went).

  4. You say as much with you haven't drawn in this one as with what you did. The negative space on this one is overwhelming. You feel on the edge just looking into that vast space. There is also a balloon like quality to the flower, as if instead of going over the edge, it might just float away and let the pot crash far below.

    The hole in the pot makes me very sad. As if everything else that is occurring here weren't enough. Of course the poor flower is hostile, look at its situation. Regardless of your history at the time, there is so much here just in your art. HUGGS.

  5. You know, I'd thought of the balloon like quality before but never of it floating up and away. The thought of the pot dropping away like an unneeded weight sounds wonderful! Thank you.

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